Engagement...Help!!!

      One site to answer all your engagement questions

With rings, it's not just just pick one and it’s done.  There are plenty of metals to choose from, but the simplest way to start off with is the question...What color: gold, silver, rose, or two- or three-toned? 
Before we start going into all the different metals and variations and getting too carried away, the first question again is simply what color?  Some people absolutely insist on one, some have a preference but don’t mind the other, and sometimes people can have a metal allergy.  Yes, people can actually be allergic to precious metals; however, most allergies with jewelry is due to nickel being in the jewelry, which is usually found in costume jewelry, sterling silver and gold under 14 kt.  In some instances people truly do have an allergy, in which case you’re choices quickly become limited.

There are a few ways to find out what you significant other’s preference is, which are listed below in what I consider the best order:

The first way is to look at their current jewelry.  What do they wear right now?  Do they wear all gold, all white, a mixture of both or do they not wear any jewelry, in which case you’ll have to do some detective work.  Obviously if they wear only one color it just made your job easier, but if not, no worries. 

Second, you can always "play dumb".  This would help you out if they don’t wear any jewelry at all.  Play the game…keep them completely clueless as to your actual motive but ask questions and go....oh that's right or oops I forgot after they answer.  An example would be, "I was thinking of you and wanted to get you a little something to say I love you, but I didn't know what color you like and I didn't want to get the wrong thing".  Don't say metal instead of color...it makes you sound like you know what you're talking about and you're trying to play it off as you're clueless right now.  If they ask, you can say you were looking at bracelets, earrings, a watch, but DO NOT MENTION THE WORD "RING"!!!  It's like setting off an alarm in their mind....which if you haven't realized already wanders and daydreams A LOT!  It's like the dog in the Beggin' Strips commercial - once it's in their head it's a one-track mind on rings and all sorts of shinny things.

Third, you can take a stab in the dark.  If you have no clue what they prefer and don't mind taking a little risk you still have some play.  The easiest way is to start off with yellow gold and if for whatever reason they prefer white gold, you can have it dipped in a rhodium plating.  This doesn't always work.  Depending on what the gold is comprised of, the rhodium may not adhere at all, it may be blotchy, or maybe it'll work perfectly.  Eventually, though, the white (silvery) look will fade back into gold in which case it will need to be re-dipped and polished.  On the other hand, some stores will allow you to return or exchange the ring in the first 30 days, which gives you a little more play.  You can propose and if you get that disappointed look because it's the wrong color, you have the back up of "if you don't like the color, we have time to change it so it's exactly what you want!"

Fourth, you can ask one of their friends for help.  Of course this runs the risk of them spilling the beans, but it can also work in your favor too.  A friend asking the questions can get a lot more juicy info and details than you ever could while still keeping it under wraps and not giving off too many clues.  They may actually even see the exact ring your significant other wants.  Then again, if the friend is not good at playing it off, gets too excited, or folds too quickly under pressure the gig is up.  I would only use this as a very last resort because of the potential backfire and total loss of the surprise and Wow factor.

Fifth, you can ask their family.  If you're kind of old-school to begin with and already have plans to ask their parents for their permission, you can always ask them if your significant other is allergic to anything that they know of, if they prefer any type of metal or anything like that.  On the other hand, just like when you ask their friend, you also have to be careful when you ask the family because they can slip just as easily and congratulate the two of you before you've even asked.  Sadly, this is not as uncommon as you would hope for.  Then again, the parents can help you plan a party and prepare for it while the two of you are out and you are proposing.  It can really go either way.

You can always come up with a twist on anything to find out this information, just remember NOT to give off ANY clues of what you're up to.  The bigger of a surprise it is to them, the more the Wow factor, the more they will remember it and the more it will impress them!  You want the proposal to be one they'll always treasure and will never forget or be disappointed with.  Remember, you really only get one chance at this, so you better make it good and give it your all!
Gold
White/Silver
Two-tone
Rose
  sailingbrooklyn.com
Metal Variations
(a little long, but you'll know all of your options)
Now a days there are tons of metals to choose from; however, if you want good quality jewelry, you should stick to the ones listed here.  There's: gold, platinum, titanium and tungsten.  We will get to rhodium and palladium at the end.

There is only one thing you want to remember here.  Regardless of color or metal, make sure that it is strong and durable.  It's going to be on your hands and unless you baby your hands all day everyday, it will eventually get beaten up.  You want strength!
Gold
Platinum
Titanium
Tungsten
Gold is usually comprised of several different alloys, which is why when you look at gold, they tell you it's 10 kt (karat), 14 kt, 18 kt, 22 kt or 24 kt ("pure").  If it's under 10 kt the jewelry will not be stamped with a "kt", so stay away from it!  You may be asking why does gold come in karats? Karat is a measure of its purity. 

Think of it like you're ordering a drink...a very potent drink.  If you have it straight up (pure), it'll drop you on your butt and it'll cost a lot.  If you add a splash of water (a different alloy than gold), it'll still have one hell of a kick and probably give you a headache.  You get it a little more watered-down you can continue to enjoy it for more than just the instant you drink it and the best part...at the end of the night you can still remember where you parked.  The moral of the story - the purest isn't always the best choice, and that's definitely for sure when it comes to gold rings!

Why shouldn't you have a pure gold ring?  Simple - it will be extremely soft and will bend and shift the shape just by someone wearing it.  Yes, just by someone opening and closing their hands, the metal will change its shape.  While it is "pure" at 24 kt, trust me you will regret the choice every day!  If you demand that it's close to "pure", while I don't agree with your choice, the highest I would go would be 18 kt, but if you wanted the ring to be durable and strong I would stick with one that's 14 kt.  An 18 kt ring may still bend just by daily wear and tear, a 14 kt ring gives you the confidence that even if it gets a lot of wear and tear it will retain its shape.  Any good jeweler will not make a ring in anything less than 14 kt. 

Gold doesn't just come in "gold", it comes in, if you can believe it, yellow, white (your most common), rose (also referred to as red,pink, Russian or Crown), blue, purple and greenish-yellow (usually called green).  This is all due to what it is combined (watered-down) with: copper will yield a redish hue, iron a blue, aluminum a purple, silver a green, and palladium, manganese or nickel a white.  Zinc is sometimes used to bleach out copper to make it more "white".  Also, because white gold isn't really "white" (silver), it will, over time, lose its luster and will need to be rhodium plated (to become all shiny and "white" again), which is not very costly, every 6-18 months, or whenever you see fit.

Allergies:  As mentioned earlier, some people (about 1 in 8 or 12.5%) will have an allergy to nickel, which can be found in some white golds.  It's also possible to have allergies to the other alloys and even gold, but this is a lot rarer.  If this is the case with your significant other and you want a silvery colored metal, you can:
  • get a yellow gold ring and have it rhodium plated
  • order the ring from Europe - many countries don't use nickel in their white gold; however, the ring sizes are slightly different and if there's a problem with the ring, it may be a hassle to deal with
  • get away from golds altogether and choose from platinum, titanium or tungsten
Platinum is a rare metal, which is why it's so much more expensive than gold (about 2-3 times more).  On the other hand, it's a very strong and durable metal that wont bend or move as the purer golds can.  Platinum is great as a prong (the part of the ring that holds the gemstone - think of a claw holding the stone) or for the entire ring, just know that it's also heavier than gold, so you should notice the subtle difference right away. 
Unlike the purer golds (mainly 18, 22, and 24 kt), platinum should only come in the almost pure forms (90-95% pure) and will usually be stamped with "Pt" or "Plat".  This is a very bright "white" (silver) color metal and doesn't loose its luster over time, like white gold will. 

Platinum is the choice of metal that is usually associated with prestige, sophistication, beauty, and elegance.  It is the Rolls Royce or Bugatti of rings, so to speak, so like those cars, you will have to pay a pretty price to have the esteem that goes with this ring.
6-Prong platinum setting on a yellow gold ring
Titanium is a unique metal, which is why it has such a draw to it.  It's the strongest natural metal there is, it's hypoallergenic, durable, extremely light-weight, will rarely corrode, dent, or scratch (like gold and platinum can), and it's a great choice for anyone who's constantly in a pool or around salt water.  Like platinum, titanium can be a little costly and is not offered by every jeweler for one reason - it's a stubborn pain in the butt to work with, but it is timeless and true.  If you want a metal that shows strength, this is it.  For jewelry, it comes in three available forms: aircraft grade (Ti-6/4), extra hard (Ti-6/6/2) [these are the two I would recommend], and commercially pure (CP), which is the softest of the three. 

How strong can it be?  It actually can start to destroy the tools used to make the jewelry as it's being made.  Yup, it's that tough.  It is also one of the only jewelry metals that can be anodized (see metal finishes) around the entire piece, or (more commonly in rings) as an inlay which makes it truly unique.
Any of the three grades can be used to make these types of rings with inlays, frosting, etc.; however, with gemstones, extra hard is usually used.  It can either be used to set a stone as you would find in any of the other metal or as a tension setting.

Although this may seem like the ideal choice, it's not without its drawbacks as well.  Because it's so strong of a metal, it's also unable to be changed once it's created.  This means that once the design is set, it's set for life.  You can't resize it, you won't be able to change the stone/prong or any other piece in the setting, and it will be harder to get off during an emergency.  Not impossible, as some people may think, but certainly more difficult (it'll take longer depending on the grade) to cut; however, the rumor that it's impossible to get off in an emergency is just a myth.  Also, remember that only a few jewelers will work with this metal and the majority of chain stores that carry it have very basic and simple designs (for truly unique pieces, it will come from an online company).
Tungsten, also known as tungsten carbide, is very much like titanium; however, it is heavier and known for its high scratch resistance.  It's extremely strong, durable, and can take a heck of a beating.  It almost always looks brand new, bright and shiny, and can have different inlays in it as well.  It is also a hypoallergenic; however, if it is mixed with another alloy, it will usually be cobalt or nickel, which can cause allergies or reactions with the skin. Again, a few jewelry dealers offer this metal and it's mostly online.  I have rarely seen this available in women's rings.

As with the titanium rings, people are hesitant about purchasing these rings because of the fear of not being able to remove them in case of an emergency.  This, just like with titanium rings should not be of great concern - although it may be more difficult to get off, it can be removed in an emergency.
Palladium
Review:
Pros:
  • Inexpensive
  • Can be resized
  • Yellow gold can be turned to white gold
  • Several color choices are available (yellow, white, rose, two- and three-tone)

Cons:
  • Purer golds (18-24 kt) can be bent by every-day use
  • White gold loses it's luster over time
  • Possible allergies
Review:
Pros:
  • Strong
  • Comes in almost pure forms (90-95% pure)
  • Very bright white color that doesn't lose it's luster
  • Can be resized

Cons:
  • Expensive
  • Heavier than gold
Review:
Pros:
  • Hypoallergenic
  • Extremely strong
  • Light weight
  • Good for people constantly around water or for those that use their hands a lot in their occupation (construction, metal worker, mechanic, etc.)

Cons:
  • Ring can't be resized; stone can't be reset
  • Can get expensive
  • Most dealers are online
  • More difficult to get off during an emergency (but not impossible)
Review:
Pros:
  • Hypoallergenic (if it's not mixed with another alloy)
  • Extremely strong
  • Scratch resistant
  • Will almost always look brand new

Cons:
  • Ring can't be resized; stone can't be reset
  • Can get expensive
  • Most dealers are online
  • More difficult to get off during an emergency (but not impossible)
  • Almost exclusively designed for men
Palladium has been used since the 1940's as an alternative to platinum and white gold, because it's naturally white, is light-weight, and doesn't need touching up (rhodium plating).  It's commonly used to make gold alloys and is replacing nickel, which makes it slightly more expensive, but there's less of a chance of an allergy.  It can become weak if it gets heated and cooled over and over and it may discolor if it gets really hot. 

In around 2004, palladium started growing in popularity and not only was it being used as a gold allow, it was starting to replace gold and platinum because the costs of those metals were soaring - it's popularity is mainly in China.
Review:
Pros:
  • Is less likely to cause an allergy
  • Doesn't lose its luster

Cons:
  • Common jewelry type in China, not mainstream elsewhere
  • Mostly available as a gold alloy
  • Repeated exposure to heat and cold will make it weak
  • Excessive heat can alter the metal color
Rhodium
Rhodium is used as an alloy in platinum and palladium or as a plating on white gold.  When a ring is platted, it becomes more "white".  It provides the jewelry with a thin coating, which helps keep the jewelry from smudging, discoloring, and helps keep it scratch resistant.  The jewelry will eventually lose it's shine and need to be re-plated to keep the shiny, new appearance.  How often depends on the wearer - if they want an absolutely brilliant shine to look like the day they got the ring, they'll probably want to have it plated about every 6 months or so; on average, many people have it done about every 6-24 months, but there's no standard or requirements...just whenever you want to.
Metal Finishes
Now that you have decided what color and what metal, it's time to figure out what you want the metal to look like.  Do you want it smooth and satiny?  Frosted?  Do you want an inlay?  You have a lot to choose from and you can get extremely creative if you want to be, just make sure you don't go too overboard.  Depending on where you're going to get your ring from, they may only give you certain options, in which case you may have to get the metal from one place and the diamond, if you so choose, from another.  Either way, that's something to look at once you've decided on the finish.

When it comes to how you want your metals to look, you have several choices.  In order for you to see the differences, I have zoomed in as much as possible on the metals.  Most finishes are available for each metal type.  Those finishes unique to one metal type will be flagged.

1)  High-polish
This is one of the two most common finishes.  This
gives the jewelry a very shiny and sparkly look.  Most of
the standard engagement rings will be found in this
finish.

2)  Satin or Matte
This is the other most common finish.  This is less
shiny than the high-polish and is used more often to
make gemstones (diamonds, rubies, sapphires, etc.)
stand out more.

These next few finishes I have never seen on an engagement ring when diamonds or other gems are in that ring.  This is probably due to the fact that they draw enough attention on their own and would distract you from the diamonds/gem.

3)  Brushed or Florentine
Can be seen in all metals, but is most common
in the harder, silver-colored metals, such as
titanium and tungsten.  These finishes give a textured
look to the metal.  A brushed finish is done in one
direction for a fluid, continuous look.  A florentine finish
is a crisscross patterned look (just imagine a deer
fence in a diamond pattern).

4)  Hammered
This finish gives off the illusion of waves on the ring.
I personally am not a fan of this on a ring.  I would save
this design element for a larger piece of jewelry, such as
a bracelet, where the design where it's boldness can stand out.

5)  Sand/glass/bead blasted and Frosting
These finishes have almost identical looks;
however, they are done with different tools.  These are
a nice finish to use if you are not using gemstones.

6)  Anodized
This is a unique finish which occurs when you dip the metal in a solution and then, basically, electrocute it.  This has the ability to create a vast array of colors or just one single color, depending on the voltage.  The easiest way to think of it is:
1) think of the body piercings that come in various colors
2) think of an oil slick and the many colors in it
 
I have never seen it on a ring with a diamond/gemstone and is an inlay design in the ring. Also, I have rarely seen it on anything other than titanium. 

Brushed
Florentine
Colors available through anodizing titanium